Examples

This one had all the info but needed a little untangling. The reader needed to be able to take a breath, too.

Original: There are now 22 wineries in Maryland, and although they are practically in the back yard of influential critic Robert Parker – he lives in rural Parkton – and although he has professed to enjoy Maryland wine, including Basignani’s, it is still nonetheless apparent to many of the state’s vintners that they have very little credibility outside of their own state, if they even have that.

Final: Maryland has 22 wineries – some, like Basignani Winery, practically in the back yard of Robert M. Parker, who lives in Parkton. The influential wine critic has professed to enjoy Maryland wine, including Basignani’s. But it is apparent to many of the state’s vintners that they have very little credibility within the state, let alone beyond its borders.

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